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Well folks... I have a confession to make.

I am an Internet news article junkie.

Being a person who works in an office 90% of the time I find myself with a spare moment here and there and its off to whatever news sites I can think of. Tech news, science news, weird news, music news, sports news... As long as it isn't political in nature or has something to do with Justin Bieber, the Kardashians, or Jennifer Lopez, (honestly, those 3 might as well be in politics.) chances are I am reading it.

But there is danger in this addiction of mine... I'm afraid its a gateway drug. Because addiction to Internet news leads to addiction to Internet news comment sections.

I'm sure you've seen them... down at the bottom there. You used to ignore them completely... but maybe... Just maybe one time... You'll look to see what somebody had to say about that article.

And that's when they have you.

Let me tell you what you'll find there ladies and gentlemen... Stupidity.

The purest most unspoiled form of stupidity imaginable.

Let me give you some examples... I'm a huge fan of space... Like stars, planets, galaxies... that kind of space. I think about it a great deal, and spend much of my online time scouring the Internet for information, thoughts, and especially pictures (REAL pictures... not that "artist rendition" bullshit) about space. So lets say you've just read an informative article about a newly discovered super-earth and you foolishly get the idea that you'd like to see what the rest of the public thinks about that.

You will undoubtedly find one or all of these next comments repeated several times. (The typing for these will be dumbed down for dramatic effect in order to display just how retarded these people must really be. Huhuhuh = Goofy hillbilly laughter.)

"Huhuhuh We Shud Send Obummer there! huhuhuh" (Obummer = A super clever nickname for our current president.)

"Huhuhuhuhuh Thats all we need! Mor illegal aliens!!! huhuhuhuh"

"Huhuhuhuh Maybe NASA shud B spendin my tax dolars findin intelligent life on earth huhuhuhuh"

Also, on the subject of tax dollars, you'll also likely find some folks who like to type in all caps about how they disagree with the space program's use of their funds... like this:

"WASTE OF MY TAX DOLLARS!!! NASA SHOULD BE SHUT DOWN!!! BLARGH BLARGH BLARGH!!! GRUMBLE GRUMBLE GRUMBLE!!! RAWR RAWR GRUMBLE BLARGH!!!"

I often wonder if these people actually read the article or if they just see a headline about space exploration and go there just to leave that same comment over and over again. In the case that they do read the article I often try to picture them sitting at their computer getting angrier and angrier with every paragraph. Until finally, red faced, they reach the blessed comment section and begin furiously typing, two fingered, raising their hands high above their heads and bringing them down with force upon each key until their rage against progress has been properly vented.

Also of note are the religious folks who take a special liking to any article that is science related (Just as all the stuck up science assholes surely take a special liking to any article that is faith related). They will often quote bible verses and such as their proof that space is just... I dunno, a big picture that Jesus put up as decoration. I'm not sure if I can give you any examples of them because well... I'm not very good at getting into that headspace. My views on religion are for another post, another time.

Sometimes I wonder how these people manage to attain even the level of intelligence required to learn, and use the Internet. I don't know... Perhaps these people are not truly that stupid, but actually just some asshole typing stupid comments in character. "Today I will be the fundamentalist christian naysayer, tomorrow I shall complain about the use of my tax dollars, Next Monday I will make clever suggestions about where our current president could be placed."

Also of note are the constant spam comments. They are always poorly written and have some picture of a scantily clad girl as the avatar. Sometimes (and this really cracks me up) they'll start out their comment with "wow what a great story!" before getting on to the business of talking about how they are a hot young single lady looking for love. This is especially confusing when you've just read an article about some terrible atrocity. "Car bomb kills 5 in Iraq"... "Wow what a great story!..."

These things are so ridiculous that I had to go out and find a real one just to repost for you here... Annoyingly (And I knew this would happen...) I actually had to scan several articles to find one... Any other time they would be on every damn page...

Anyway... this is what they look like:

"I m a beautiful lady, just wanna to make more friends, recently I joined a amazing site..check my name dear ....It is a person'als place where you can meet success'ful rich men, classy mature women, rich women looking for marriage, or just meet beautiful friends and singles. Good luck! :)"


The name of the poster is of course the website that you are supposed to go to... I'm sure no credit card information is involved..........

Anyway... What was my point?

I guess that concludes my Internet comments rant. And this post is just one more example on the web of how no one has anything interesting to say.