Well folks... I have a confession to make.
I am an Internet news article junkie.
Being a person who works in an office 90% of the time I find myself with a spare moment here and there and its off to whatever news sites I can think of. Tech news, science news, weird news, music news, sports news... As long as it isn't political in nature or has something to do with Justin Bieber, the Kardashians, or Jennifer Lopez, (honestly, those 3 might as well be in politics.) chances are I am reading it.
But there is danger in this addiction of mine... I'm afraid its a gateway drug. Because addiction to Internet news leads to addiction to Internet news comment sections.
I'm sure you've seen them... down at the bottom there. You used to ignore them completely... but maybe... Just maybe one time... You'll look to see what somebody had to say about that article.
And that's when they have you.
Let me tell you what you'll find there ladies and gentlemen... Stupidity.
The purest most unspoiled form of stupidity imaginable.
Let me give you some examples... I'm a huge fan of space... Like stars, planets, galaxies... that kind of space. I think about it a great deal, and spend much of my online time scouring the Internet for information, thoughts, and especially pictures (REAL pictures... not that "artist rendition" bullshit) about space. So lets say you've just read an informative article about a newly discovered super-earth and you foolishly get the idea that you'd like to see what the rest of the public thinks about that.
You will undoubtedly find one or all of these next comments repeated several times. (The typing for these will be dumbed down for dramatic effect in order to display just how retarded these people must really be. Huhuhuh = Goofy hillbilly laughter.)
"Huhuhuh We Shud Send Obummer there! huhuhuh" (Obummer = A super clever nickname for our current president.)
"Huhuhuhuhuh Thats all we need! Mor illegal aliens!!! huhuhuhuh"
"Huhuhuhuh Maybe NASA shud B spendin my tax dolars findin intelligent life on earth huhuhuhuh"
Also, on the subject of tax dollars, you'll also likely find some folks who like to type in all caps about how they disagree with the space program's use of their funds... like this:
"WASTE OF MY TAX DOLLARS!!! NASA SHOULD BE SHUT DOWN!!! BLARGH BLARGH BLARGH!!! GRUMBLE GRUMBLE GRUMBLE!!! RAWR RAWR GRUMBLE BLARGH!!!"
I often wonder if these people actually read the article or if they just see a headline about space exploration and go there just to leave that same comment over and over again. In the case that they do read the article I often try to picture them sitting at their computer getting angrier and angrier with every paragraph. Until finally, red faced, they reach the blessed comment section and begin furiously typing, two fingered, raising their hands high above their heads and bringing them down with force upon each key until their rage against progress has been properly vented.
Also of note are the religious folks who take a special liking to any article that is science related (Just as all the stuck up science assholes surely take a special liking to any article that is faith related). They will often quote bible verses and such as their proof that space is just... I dunno, a big picture that Jesus put up as decoration. I'm not sure if I can give you any examples of them because well... I'm not very good at getting into that headspace. My views on religion are for another post, another time.
Sometimes I wonder how these people manage to attain even the level of intelligence required to learn, and use the Internet. I don't know... Perhaps these people are not truly that stupid, but actually just some asshole typing stupid comments in character. "Today I will be the fundamentalist christian naysayer, tomorrow I shall complain about the use of my tax dollars, Next Monday I will make clever suggestions about where our current president could be placed."
Also of note are the constant spam comments. They are always poorly written and have some picture of a scantily clad girl as the avatar. Sometimes (and this really cracks me up) they'll start out their comment with "wow what a great story!" before getting on to the business of talking about how they are a hot young single lady looking for love. This is especially confusing when you've just read an article about some terrible atrocity. "Car bomb kills 5 in Iraq"... "Wow what a great story!..."
These things are so ridiculous that I had to go out and find a real one just to repost for you here... Annoyingly (And I knew this would happen...) I actually had to scan several articles to find one... Any other time they would be on every damn page...
Anyway... this is what they look like:
"I m a beautiful lady, just wanna to make more friends, recently I joined a amazing site..check my name dear ....It is a person'als place where you can meet success'ful rich men, classy mature women, rich women looking for marriage, or just meet beautiful friends and singles. Good luck! :)"
The name of the poster is of course the website that you are supposed to go to... I'm sure no credit card information is involved..........
Anyway... What was my point?
I guess that concludes my Internet comments rant. And this post is just one more example on the web of how no one has anything interesting to say.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Monday, December 5, 2011
Watching the Watchmen
Alright readers... Lets get something straight right now, because I don't want to come into my office tomorrow morning and find "HERETIC" written on my wall in blood (or any other bodily fluid.)
I did not come here to contend that the film adaptation of "The Watchmen" is an exceptionally good film. Nor do I believe it to be even an exceptionally good comic book film. I would not rate it in my top 5, nor would it be included on my "desert island" list. (For that matter, neither would the watchmen book.)
There.
With that said I'm going to come right out and say it. I do not understand why the film gets so much negative feedback from people.
I have read the book several times, and I have watched the film several times as well... If you enjoyed the book how can you not enjoy the movie? The movie IS the book. All of you people who complained about Spiderman's organic web shooters or Joker being the killer of the Wayne family in Tim Burton's Batman cant suddenly decide that someone has been "too faithful" to a literary work. It reeks of "I just want to bitch about something."
If Snyder had taken major liberties with the characters... (Rorshach was a girl, The Comedian survives and saves the day at the end, the whole thing was orchestrated by Veidt's tiger / goat thing...) you people would have been sacrificing chickens in the streets and calling for executions.
Alright, alright... I hear you over there. Now you're saying "But there were differences! I saw them!"
Very well... Lets examine them shall we?
OH MY GOD SPOILERS!!
The most glaring of course, being how the ending comes about. We reach the same conclusion (albeit with several major cities destroyed instead of just New York like the book) but the way we reach it is a little different and well... are you ready for this? I'm sorry readers, but the movie's "Dr. Manhattan has turned against us" plot line was in my humble opinion much better, and made much more sense than the random "Giant dead alien!!!" plot line from the book. The alien bit felt to me like Moore was just like "You know, I'm sick of writing this. Lets drop a big fake alien carcass on New York and be done with it shall we?"
He probably stroked his beard a bit while he said that.
Alright what other big differences did we have... Lets see there was Nite Owl's costume change... Lets have a look at them shall we.
And Theeeeen...
Boy I sure am pissed that they changed him out of that...
Don't get me started on Ozymandias's book outfit (Granted that the one in the movie was just as goofy looking).
Right, okay... So maybe you've taken a stand against the film because of Alan Moore's stance against it... You feel that because the creator deems it "unfilmable" that it should not have been made. On this point alone I will give you a leg to stand on. I do not claim to know what went on in the offices of DC comics in 1986... I was probably still trying to figure out how to tie a shoe at the time. But sure... Maybe Alan Moore got swindled out of the rights to the characters or whatever. Says him.
But he signed the contracts. He released the books.
An artist can cry "integrity" all he or she would like... but the bottom line is, that if you are turning your creations over to a company, you had better be smart about it because you are giving them a free pass to make money with it in any way they can. In the world of comic books that implies movies, action figures, and video games. If you truly wanted to maintain the absolute essence of integrity then as an artist, musician, or writer you would be keeping your creations to yourself forever, or self releasing them under the strictest of stipulations. That is the only sure way to keep them from harm.
Alan Moore knows this, and I'm sure that he knew it back then. Even though I like his claim that he does the things he does in comics because that is the only place they are possible... I also feel like we should objectively look at the movie for what it is... A pretty damn good attempt to put the book to film.
Now my comic credentials are well known and I do not feel the need to back them up to anyone. But as comic fans I think we've all maybe been slightly ruined by our upbringing. I'm not sure what it is about comic book fans that makes us think we're so god damned refined. I think the comic reader suffers from a more advanced form of whatever ailment it is that causes frequent book readers to look down upon people who enjoy films based on books. Reading is great. It's fantastic. But so is enjoying a film. And I don't understand why they cant live in harmony with each other.
If someone wants to try to make a buck by creating a decent film based on a decent book then who are any of you to stop them? If you're against it don't watch the damn thing. Yes, most of the time the original source material is better. But if someone watches the movie and enjoys it then chances are that their desire to check out the source material just took a major leap.
Watchmen is a decent film, based on a decent book. Stop stroking your ego (and Alan Moore's) and lets give it a rest. It isn't amazing, but its not like you're watching C.H.U.D. 2
Sorry C.H.U.D. fans.
I did not come here to contend that the film adaptation of "The Watchmen" is an exceptionally good film. Nor do I believe it to be even an exceptionally good comic book film. I would not rate it in my top 5, nor would it be included on my "desert island" list. (For that matter, neither would the watchmen book.)
There.
With that said I'm going to come right out and say it. I do not understand why the film gets so much negative feedback from people.
I have read the book several times, and I have watched the film several times as well... If you enjoyed the book how can you not enjoy the movie? The movie IS the book. All of you people who complained about Spiderman's organic web shooters or Joker being the killer of the Wayne family in Tim Burton's Batman cant suddenly decide that someone has been "too faithful" to a literary work. It reeks of "I just want to bitch about something."
If Snyder had taken major liberties with the characters... (Rorshach was a girl, The Comedian survives and saves the day at the end, the whole thing was orchestrated by Veidt's tiger / goat thing...) you people would have been sacrificing chickens in the streets and calling for executions.
Alright, alright... I hear you over there. Now you're saying "But there were differences! I saw them!"
Very well... Lets examine them shall we?
OH MY GOD SPOILERS!!
The most glaring of course, being how the ending comes about. We reach the same conclusion (albeit with several major cities destroyed instead of just New York like the book) but the way we reach it is a little different and well... are you ready for this? I'm sorry readers, but the movie's "Dr. Manhattan has turned against us" plot line was in my humble opinion much better, and made much more sense than the random "Giant dead alien!!!" plot line from the book. The alien bit felt to me like Moore was just like "You know, I'm sick of writing this. Lets drop a big fake alien carcass on New York and be done with it shall we?"
He probably stroked his beard a bit while he said that.
Alright what other big differences did we have... Lets see there was Nite Owl's costume change... Lets have a look at them shall we.
And Theeeeen...
Boy I sure am pissed that they changed him out of that...
Don't get me started on Ozymandias's book outfit (Granted that the one in the movie was just as goofy looking).
Right, okay... So maybe you've taken a stand against the film because of Alan Moore's stance against it... You feel that because the creator deems it "unfilmable" that it should not have been made. On this point alone I will give you a leg to stand on. I do not claim to know what went on in the offices of DC comics in 1986... I was probably still trying to figure out how to tie a shoe at the time. But sure... Maybe Alan Moore got swindled out of the rights to the characters or whatever. Says him.
But he signed the contracts. He released the books.
An artist can cry "integrity" all he or she would like... but the bottom line is, that if you are turning your creations over to a company, you had better be smart about it because you are giving them a free pass to make money with it in any way they can. In the world of comic books that implies movies, action figures, and video games. If you truly wanted to maintain the absolute essence of integrity then as an artist, musician, or writer you would be keeping your creations to yourself forever, or self releasing them under the strictest of stipulations. That is the only sure way to keep them from harm.
Alan Moore knows this, and I'm sure that he knew it back then. Even though I like his claim that he does the things he does in comics because that is the only place they are possible... I also feel like we should objectively look at the movie for what it is... A pretty damn good attempt to put the book to film.
Now my comic credentials are well known and I do not feel the need to back them up to anyone. But as comic fans I think we've all maybe been slightly ruined by our upbringing. I'm not sure what it is about comic book fans that makes us think we're so god damned refined. I think the comic reader suffers from a more advanced form of whatever ailment it is that causes frequent book readers to look down upon people who enjoy films based on books. Reading is great. It's fantastic. But so is enjoying a film. And I don't understand why they cant live in harmony with each other.
If someone wants to try to make a buck by creating a decent film based on a decent book then who are any of you to stop them? If you're against it don't watch the damn thing. Yes, most of the time the original source material is better. But if someone watches the movie and enjoys it then chances are that their desire to check out the source material just took a major leap.
Watchmen is a decent film, based on a decent book. Stop stroking your ego (and Alan Moore's) and lets give it a rest. It isn't amazing, but its not like you're watching C.H.U.D. 2
Sorry C.H.U.D. fans.
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